Tonight did not go at all how I had planned, but it really gave me some insight. This summer I started becoming friends with a girl who goes to my alma mater. She’s great, but lately she’s been very exhausting insofar as she’s been stubborn, prideful, and above all, SUPER negative. Tonight one of her “friends” in her sorority wanted to go out for her birthday. I just happened to be visiting friends who live in the same building as her, in the apartment right downstairs, when her roommate found out that she was passed out drunk on the street somewhere. The roommate, one of my other friends and I rushed out to find her across the street; random people who were walking by saw her and had called to let us know where she was.
I’m really thankful that all three of us could be there to make sure she was okay. While I definitely do not appreciate her “sisters” for leaving her out there, I do believe that chaos on the outside is merely a reflection of what’s going on inside. Iyanla Vanzant says that everything happens twice, that everything we think and believe will eventually all come up for us to see (to paraphrase rather heavily) - and I think that happened in a very literal sense tonight.
I don’t mean to be critical of my friend for her choices. It’s one thing that she drank too much tonight; that happens. But I know that this is a pattern. She has a lot of issues that she doesn’t address head-on, and one of the ways she copes is to drink. A lot. Whenever she talks about feelings, her approach is to get over it - on the surface. If she’s upset about something, she will say over and over again that it doesn’t bother her, how she doesn’t need whomever offended her, how it doesn’t matter, so on and so forth - and yet she’ll keep talking about it! The funny part is that she’s studying psychology, and I didn’t take any psych classes as an undergrad but like COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. As Iyanla says, let’s call a thing a thing!
Anyway, the last time I saw her (which was two days ago), I finally admitted to myself that she’s excessively pessimistic, her energy is super negative, and that being around her is emotionally and psychologically draining. I want to see her do better, but I think for my own health and well-being I need to distance myself from her. The reality is that I’m in flux; I’m working hard to create peace, harmony, and balance in my life. I graduated college this past spring and I’ll be starting my MA in the fall, which will be challenging, different, and exciting; I’m cultivating solid friendships with positive, motivated people I’ve met this summer and stronger relationships with my family and friends.
Of course the people around me are like me insofar as they have issues to work through; it’s very important to me to never be so focused on myself that I can’t be supportive and empathetic towards others. I just can’t be around someone who sows negativity and discord and is in such denial of it. The first step to getting better is admitting there’s a problem - and as far as that is concerned, I think my friend has got a long way to go.